Exhaustion

Just before great sleep is a surge of energy.

A little preface. I have spent the last two and a half years spending every weekend at my theater or another theater running lights, acting, or being neurotic theater owner. I have also spent the last two years at a day job. The last two years in a small apartment with just me and two cats. And I have spent the last two years relatively single.

As of last weekend all but the single part changed. I closed my last show for an indefinite time. I left my day job for another one. I moved to an artists' collective where I am surrounded by people including children and more than two cats.

So two weeks ago, the last week of my job, my show, and my individual dwelling, I was blogging, writing, rewriting, promoting, even trying a date or two, as well as studying for another potential career in finance.

I was working twice as much as before and that's a lot considering the day job, writing, and the theater was pretty much a combined 70 hour week. Well, I guess it's not just a lot. It's physically impossible. But in any case, I increased my time as a writer/producer/actor/clock watcher.

So let me tell you. That does not last at all. Once the show closed, I failed the financial career test, got a back up job, and moved the cats, some clothes, and a desk into the new place, I did something I never do. I shut down.

I slept. I worked 8 hours. I moved a single box. I slept some more.

I can't seem to get it going. What happened to me? Is this what it's like to not own a business? I hate it. I hate sitting in bed and barely reading a page of a book before I'm passed out and suddenly it's tomorrow. I want my whirlwind back. I want people to look at me again with envy, pity, and concern and say "You really are gonna get sick, you know." Now they just say "I told you."

Oh no. Realization. I'm one of those idiots who doesn't want to retire. I'm one of those idiots who hates a vacation where the itinerary says "10am to 10pm -do nothing." Could I even be the person who picks dual purpose friends. Electrician? Awesome, I'm buying you a drink. I need some advice on how to get a room hooked up with a lighting grid. Good with a hammer? Fantastic. Let's go pick up chicks and talk about set design. You know how to save the hard drive on a laptop? You're probably too busy for a girl like me, but I'm willing to do anything to spend some quality time. Even hobbies must be functional. Jewelry making makes jewelry I can wear. Reading makes me feel like I'm researching. Knitting keeps you warm! Stamp collecting, ping pong, or scrapbooking? Lame.

Anyway, I'm barely keeping my eyes open as I write. My cat is grooming, my room is half full. My old apartment is half empty. And I'm wondering which cat made that piss smell and where.

I will go and find out the point of this rant sometime next month.