Exes
Sometimes cultures think they're evolving by taking long kept rituals and rites and tossing them out the window. Usually, it is replaced with a ritual that adds more freedom of choice. A ritual that lets the human who is living with the consequences make the decisions.
This is a bad thing.
Example: arranged marriage.
Why did we let this go?
When you pick your own spouse and do mating by trial and error, there is one fatal flaw.
You get exes.
I have an ex from about fifteen years ago who I adore. This is because we don't talk to each other. I have successfully expunged all exes from my life (a few I miss, so if you're an ex, please don't think I don't like you, I just think I still like you because you're not in my life).
If someone is not good to date, they're likely not all that good in the friend department. If someone chooses to stay friends with exes, aren't they actually claiming friendship as a demotion?
Wait, I gotta make sure. Okay, if I broke up with someone because they were selfish and manipulative, then I wouldn't "promote" them to friend. If I broke up with someone because they were selfish and manipulative, then I should demote them.
If I become friends with this person, then I'm demoting them to friend.
Oh....wait. If I broke up with someone because we're "different"...not bad...just different...then, hm....then they could be laterally moved to friend. But if I like someone, and we're having sex, I think that makes them a good candidate for mate-dom.
Different? Why dump a person for being different?
Okay, I'm really not getting why exes should stay friends.
Wait...wait...I got an ex who's cool. We really just didn't work sexually. Hm...But that was ended early. Early is good. Almost makes them not an ex, right? Er.
I got another ex who's okay. But I won't give details so all my other exes will think they're this paragraph.
Okay, so exes who are exes purely from being sexually imcompatible are cool for friendships. That's a lateral move.
Exes who are exes because they aren't one's vision for a lifemate..well, that's lame. This is lame action. Change vision, people! Date the nerd/geek/slightly anti-social person!
Exes who are exes because you find out they told you things you found out were lies and you watch them manipulate a situation so they look innocent when they aren't...well, that is an ex worthy of expungement. Or one who borrows your car and dents it and you find beer cans in the backseat...that one isn't good to keep around. Or the one who comes home from vacation with some woman's underwear...Why be his friend? Someday you gotta be the friend who covers his tracks for him. And that's a pretty high form of dysfunction. How about the ex who dumped you? Well, then you did something right?
I wouldn't know, I haven't been dumped before.
Okay, once. But it was because I was a nerd.
People. Date the nerds in your life.
posted by overflow at
6:34 PM
6 Comments:
oh, you ARE good for mining rich territory for provocative conversation - religion, porn, exes...
i'm liking what you have to say about the sexually non-compatible ex. the lateral move thing of it all. i've got one of those. we probably should have never become lovers. in fact, she should be my best friend right now. but she is not, probably because becoming lovers under the cirumstances was not a very friendly thing to do to begin with. so how can i become friends with someone toward whom i did not offer the tides of true friendship at the outset? i suppose it goes without saying that i want my friendship with this ex to be more than it is now and i am mildly tortured by the occasional flares of wondering if we will ever become the best friends i always though we should have been.
there is a rule that they say applies to lesbian breakups which seems to apply to my own experience - it takes three years apart for every year together before you can talk again. i'm actually building a friendship with one of my favorite exes. we were together for 3 years and we started talking again exactly six years after the breakup. eerie. but i think we are headed now for a truely terriffic friendship. it doesn't hurt that her present girlfriend looks exactly like me. they are a hot couple and i am very happy for her.
the theory on exes created out of "irreconcilable differences" is a clean theory only if the said differences are mutually acknowledged and embraced. it's tricky when one loves harder than the other, though. then that demotion factor seeps in to create a shituation - one sees the move to exdom as a lateral pass and the other sees it as a demotion. how do you work that one out?
6:54 AM
do you mean exe's as in ex-girlfriends, etc.? Or are we talking about spouses?
11:42 AM
exes...ex boyfriends, ex girlfriends, ex spouses...hm...i don't have a ex-husband. but i would think it's the same but exponentially more complicated.
i'm sure if kids were involved, there'd be a whole other can of worms. i've seen that and it's not pretty.
1:57 PM
p.s. nerds RAWK! hasn't anyone dated you because, among other things, they really had a thing for nerds? have you ever dumped some poor nerd-o-phile?
2:18 PM
No one I date really appreciates my nerdy side.
And I think my last relationship regret is breaking up with a nerd to move to LA. Ah, he was the hottest nerd around.
But since then, I love nerds. Sometimes I try to bring out the nerd in bad boys or psycho girls, but it never works out.
I need a nerd in touch with their nerdness.
2:59 PM
what would you say the top three qualities nerds possess? and which would you say get them fired from relationships the most?
4:36 AM
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