Retro blogging

From February of last year:

ah love
So I'm thinking I'm all over this Christian God cuz I like unavailable men.

It's weird how a year can change stuff. I started this blog on Valentine's day of last year. And something tells me the next month will make things change all the more.

One year. Every year in my life has passed so fast and with what I thought was very little change. But upon reflection, every year has been a turning point. And yes, if played just a tad fast means I have had a whirlwind life.

2005 - Lost business, lost friends, found Sugar Shack, got great job, gained the love of my life (this was a big year from the lowest to highest for sure)

2004
* Watched the most grueling of relationships go through it's final death throes (a year overdue)
* Spent one full year spending every weekend running lights (not by choice)
* One full year of abstinence (also not by choice but likely related)
* Hm, 2004 sucked ass

2003
* Boyfriend steals my money for crack (so cliche but, hey, if you don't have a good "he stole my money to get high" story, you haven't really dated in Los Angeles)
* Become theater junkie where best moments were sitting alone in the wee hours in my theater space on chairs I installed with my theater company.

2002
* Started Split.Id under the name Creative Juices
* Called "genius" by a celebrity who came to a show. Which means nothing except that I got to say that a lot for a year.

2001
* Stopped owning a tv (you have no idea how life changing this is)
* First (okay, only) optioned screenplay

2000
Strangely enough, not much here. Produced first stage performance called "Kiss a Stranger" so I guess I caught a bug in 2000 that I had no idea would become the chronic addiction it is now. Also met the man who would later steal my money for crack. So a lot of seeds were planted, I guess.

That's the last five years. I think the years before that are getting a little blurry...And admittedly, the avalanche of events didn't happen until after my Saturn Return (New Age lingo for turning 29).

But wow. There's a lot that happens in a year. Your life changes and it's strange to think that when it happens, it often doesn't seem momentous. As I listed those highlights, I don't think I ever saw those events as "life changing". They might have been good or bad, but never felt like anything earned the term "turn of events". They were more "veers of events".

But no. I look at that list and everything on it is a large change.

I feel like a blindfolded child who has spent 35 years swinging wildly at this pinata. And every swing was an attempt at the perfect job, the best business, the kudos, the awards, the one relationship. Each of these events was a person -with eyes open- grabbing my shoulders and twisting me toward the pinata. And dizzy and excited, I'd swing again. I have no idea who took me by the shoulders and faced me toward the stuffed doll. Sometimes I called it God or coincidence or fate. Maybe blind luck. If I missed altogether, I'd curse whoever turned me. But I kept swinging. I'm still swinging.

Good news. This year, I heard the bat hit the pinata and some candy fell out. It's not bust wide open. Oh no, I got some more to do on that thing. But there's candy on the ground and I'm going to keep swinging. And God (or whatever) can keep turning me. Cuz I'm not going to stop until I hear the crack of a pinata pummeled in half, the downpour of treats, the squeals of delight and the footfalls surrounding me until I am on my knees in a pile of sugar and peeling the blindfold from my eyes.