This is why I should procrastinate more

This is my friend Kristina Wong.

Her latest entry has made me smile.

For fuck's sake

Writing over the weekend and here is what I'm finding out:
I am feeling like a baby bird who has just waddled out of the warm nest and onto the edge of the highest branch and my little talons have just let go of the last bit of the tree and I'm feeling the float...I'm about to feel the plummet.

What else I'm finding out:
I'm writing like a teenager who just learned how to rhyme.

It's all very sad.

I'm also currently listening to Mariah Carey.

Someone shoot me.

Where I was living before I took over chez boyfriend

It's all so great. I miss that house.

Retro blogging

From February of last year:

ah love
So I'm thinking I'm all over this Christian God cuz I like unavailable men.

It's weird how a year can change stuff. I started this blog on Valentine's day of last year. And something tells me the next month will make things change all the more.

One year. Every year in my life has passed so fast and with what I thought was very little change. But upon reflection, every year has been a turning point. And yes, if played just a tad fast means I have had a whirlwind life.

2005 - Lost business, lost friends, found Sugar Shack, got great job, gained the love of my life (this was a big year from the lowest to highest for sure)

2004
* Watched the most grueling of relationships go through it's final death throes (a year overdue)
* Spent one full year spending every weekend running lights (not by choice)
* One full year of abstinence (also not by choice but likely related)
* Hm, 2004 sucked ass

2003
* Boyfriend steals my money for crack (so cliche but, hey, if you don't have a good "he stole my money to get high" story, you haven't really dated in Los Angeles)
* Become theater junkie where best moments were sitting alone in the wee hours in my theater space on chairs I installed with my theater company.

2002
* Started Split.Id under the name Creative Juices
* Called "genius" by a celebrity who came to a show. Which means nothing except that I got to say that a lot for a year.

2001
* Stopped owning a tv (you have no idea how life changing this is)
* First (okay, only) optioned screenplay

2000
Strangely enough, not much here. Produced first stage performance called "Kiss a Stranger" so I guess I caught a bug in 2000 that I had no idea would become the chronic addiction it is now. Also met the man who would later steal my money for crack. So a lot of seeds were planted, I guess.

That's the last five years. I think the years before that are getting a little blurry...And admittedly, the avalanche of events didn't happen until after my Saturn Return (New Age lingo for turning 29).

But wow. There's a lot that happens in a year. Your life changes and it's strange to think that when it happens, it often doesn't seem momentous. As I listed those highlights, I don't think I ever saw those events as "life changing". They might have been good or bad, but never felt like anything earned the term "turn of events". They were more "veers of events".

But no. I look at that list and everything on it is a large change.

I feel like a blindfolded child who has spent 35 years swinging wildly at this pinata. And every swing was an attempt at the perfect job, the best business, the kudos, the awards, the one relationship. Each of these events was a person -with eyes open- grabbing my shoulders and twisting me toward the pinata. And dizzy and excited, I'd swing again. I have no idea who took me by the shoulders and faced me toward the stuffed doll. Sometimes I called it God or coincidence or fate. Maybe blind luck. If I missed altogether, I'd curse whoever turned me. But I kept swinging. I'm still swinging.

Good news. This year, I heard the bat hit the pinata and some candy fell out. It's not bust wide open. Oh no, I got some more to do on that thing. But there's candy on the ground and I'm going to keep swinging. And God (or whatever) can keep turning me. Cuz I'm not going to stop until I hear the crack of a pinata pummeled in half, the downpour of treats, the squeals of delight and the footfalls surrounding me until I am on my knees in a pile of sugar and peeling the blindfold from my eyes.

Did I tell you about the mugging?

Yesterday, I was taking a personality quiz and one of the questions was "You see a woman get mugged. Do you help her or go after the mugger?" This is one of those questions you make up an answer to, because who knows what you would actually do when the adrenaline starts rushing.

I DO!

A few months ago (and I'm sure I blogged about it), a woman was mugged outside the house. She was screaming and my initial thought was that she was being attacked. But when I and a roommate reached her, she was screaming that her purse was snatched. I told my roommate to call the cops and I asked her which way and she pointed and I ran.

A question to ask in these instances is "Did he go that way in a car?" Because if they nod, then it's really kinda moot. And I did not ask. And it was, indeed, moot.

The good news is that she is okay and she lost some money and a filo-fax which is nothing next to one's health. And the other good news is some guy got a lot of cash. That's not really good news unless you are him. But hey, grab the silver lining while you can.

Anyway, I now know I'm a bolter. I ran the whole time thinking "What are you going to do? Take him down in your flip flops and high school aikido skills?" But I was relying on him either being drunk and easy to take down or throwing the purse aside after grabbing the cash, in which case, at least she'd have her keys and filo-fax.

And here's the thing. I was scolded at for being crazy. Guys with big biceps don't get scolded!!!

I want big biceps.

God, I'm obsessed with this.

Oh, and it means I'm an Angelina. Not a Jen.

the guy.

So today I am dedicating my post to all the great things I have heard as advice or explanations for relationships:

* "There are rockstar relationships. One person is the rock and the other is the star. When you get to be the star, take that ride as long as you can."

* "The key to a good marriage is to put God first. And every morning, ask your God what you can do for the person you love."

* "If you think you're doing 100% of the work in a relationship, you're likely doing about 60%. If you think you're spouse is doing 30%, they're likely doing twice that. So if both people do 150%, it should even out to 50/50." (strangely enough NOT Yogi Berra)

* "Just know your lines and don't bump into the furniture."

Wait, the last one was advice for actors. But it still kinda fits.

What I am currently eating

I am eating Have'A Chips and See's Molasses Chips while listening to Duran Duran do a cover of Bowie's Fame. Why? Because I've met the man of my dreams.

I have met a man who has all these things in his apartment and he has just left me here to consume it all. Chocolate. Salt. Justina's favorite band as a teenager. Admittedly, it's a collection of Bowie covers from different bands, but in a way, that's better than if he actually started playing Duran Duran. And Fame is a b-side, so he'd have to play the single on a record player and that is just plain geeky.

So anyway, I get here, he's folding laundry (much of it mine) and I say "uh. wow." and he kisses me goodbye and leaves with the cd player playing this collection of Bowie covers. I go to the kitchen cupboards and find the chips and chocolate (which is my favorite thing in the world) and I come back to blog only to see that Duran Duran is in this collection. I then geek out and eat.

And here I am. Geeking out songs later and feeling a little bloated.

I AM IN HEAVEN. AND I'M PMS-ING. AND I'M STILL IN HEAVEN!

Am I even making sense? I just reread this and I don't know what I'm saying. I am experiencing it, writing it and confusing my own damn self. But I'm not sure if it's my writing skills or reading comprehension skills that are currently lacking, so I'm just gonna keep going.

This chocolate/salt combo is making me a little light in the head.

I am so high on sugar right now.

I think I need to sit down. Er, I mean, lie down...or make some real food. Maybe I just need some coffee....